Not a Weapon

The snowfall last night was as much as we had last year, if not more. The stacks of it that formed on objects were significant enough to warrant boots instead of just shoes (as Chris found out) and bloody cold. The perfect carpet of snow was truly beautiful this morning, however, and I took many photographs of it. Despite the many literary beautiful descriptions of snow, I don't actually like the stuff, especially when it is cold and I have somewhere to be. Today I had no where to be, so I enjoyed snuggling up with movies and dvds and drank fruit tea and enjoyed the solitude.

Watching stuff got me to thinking about a topic that I have always found quite disgusting: the use of sex as a weapon.

To take a most obvious example of this, I would like to present exhibit A: Carla in Scrubs. How many times have you heard her say "no sex for a month"? Many many times. But using someone else's urges to get your way? Well that's just plain manipulative. Give me something I want and I'll give you something you want. If sex is as special as some people claim, as I myself would claim, if it's a privilege, is it fair to use it as a weapon too? Some would argue yes.

I'd agree that it's something special indeed, but the place I see it having in a relationship is as a key way of bonding with the other party. If you're withholding it as a punishment then you're starting to undermine that bond that the two of you share. If you think something is wrong then talk.

There will still be those who argue against that, and I do understand that. It's a means to control. And some people think that control is the only way to get what they need. Of course, I'm in no way saying that if you're not in the mood to, you should have sex regardless, but this brings me on to my next point.

What happens when the control becomes something more? Something malicious perhaps? Here I'm talking not about denying sex, or at least not just that, I'm talking about gearing your partner up for sex, making them think it's going to happen, and then stopping for the sheer enjoyment of watching them battle their own urges. Ask yourself, is that fair? Of course it's not. If you turned the tap on to fill the bath and then leave the room, the bath is going to overflow. To clarify a point, I'm not talking about teasing here, teasing can be a useful tool in making the sex more intense. I'm also not talking about when you get halfway through and are too exhausted to continue, or you realise you'll be late, or whatever. I'm talking about the times when there are no legitimate excuses other than that you think it's fun to make the other squirm.

Me? I don't use sex as a weapon, I never have, and I never intend to. The only thing I've ever done with sex is enjoy it.