To the paycheck and back

So I guess my life now revolves around work pretty-much. When I get home I just feel like snuggling up and watching stuff on my laptop, not a particularly bad thing, I'll admit, but still.

Most of my outside thought from work involves the future and what I'll get with my first paycheck (I know, sad right? I mean, I'm not even a month in, and the paycheck won't come through until the end of February). I guess it's a big thing for me though, I mean I've never really had earned money before, and never so much of it. It's like I'll suddenly be able to afford stuff, basically everything I want at this point in my life, and that's huge for me.

Other than that I'm looking forward to this weekend, it's Canthan new year on Guild Wars (I know sad right?) and on Sunday I'm going out again, this time to Gosport.

It's almost 8pm and I'm not even hungry, I guess I ate late this afternoon where lunch was concerned, we were doing work stuff basically non-stop until 3pm.

And then there's Angelfish, a project I'm working on, I've started reading the bits out loud, recording them, and posting those on the site as well. I have to record tomorrows, but am currently lacking motivation. Still, it needs to be done. The writing on that has died out too, I find myself much less motivated to do most things. I could blame it on work, but that's not the whole story.

In two weeks time Mark's family are over here to visit too, so I have to be more awake and less hungry for bed. Oh well, I'll get there.

When suddenly... TECH SUPPORT!

So yeah, I got that job by the way. They called back like two days after expected, and I went in on the Thursday.

The best thing I've found so far is being surrounded by technically savvy people, it's a breath of fresh air, and I've missed being so surrounded by geekiness that I'm being osmosisly educated. I mean, Mark is geeky in certain ways, but these guys are surrounded by it too, so it's in all the conversations.

There is also near to no hostility in the office. All of them welcomed me, shaking hands, chatting, making fun, it's all in a day's work, and I love that. The atmosphere is certainly one that I'd be happy to live in for, probably, a long time.

There's only one thing left I guess, to talk about, and that's the customers. I've only done one call so far, they wanted to get me used to the software, the ticket system, the way that people are dealt with. I've been told over and over that if I don't know something I am to put the customer on hold and ask, so that's all okay.

The customer I dealt with was on customer services, and he was a bit annoyed with our service so kind of difficult. I was told I handled it okay, not the best, but considering it was my first call it was fine. Now that I've done a fairly difficult one I'm actually not so jittery about talking to other people, all I need to do is learn the diagnosis stuff and I'll be good to go, which is a good thing because I have to be ready by Wednesday latest to be on phones and doing technical support.

I've also learned that half of the job is blagging that you are confident, which is something I'm actually good at, especially when they can't see my face. The thing I guess I'm most worried about now is if they're too close to the phone, because I don't want to have to ask them to repeat themselves.

I also plan to take something to keep my hands busy while I'm on the phone because I really do tend to pick random stuff up and play with it. At home it's Ash's cuff link that, for some unknown reason, is on his desk... don't ask me.

Anyway, now I'm looking forward to today and tomorrow off, and some revision of the technical stuff, and good company. Perhaps even some writing.

Is a little perfection too much to ask?

One of the things I hate is empty promises, even when people don't promise, saying they'll do something and then not, it makes me annoyed, pisses me off.

I pride myself in being patient, and most the time I am, but when people say:  "I will do X on X date." And that date rolls around and nothing happens, I get annoyed. I guess it stems from my organisation, I like to be able to plan things: What I'll do, where I'll go, or who I'll see. When I plan around something that someone has said will happen; say, clear a day, I get annoyed because I have to put things on hold.

I guess in a sense I am a perfectionist, I don't like missing deadlines myself, and if I say I'll do something I usually do. By no means am I suggesting that I'm infallible, but when I forget about something and then remember it later, I tend to apologise profusely.

Mark is the same way, and I guess that's why we go well together. If we say we'll do something we do it, and that's that. We keep things clean because we are clean people, and if things are out of place we both get annoyed.

When our broadband was meant to be installed and the supplier called us to change the date, we were both annoyed. We'd planned to spend that day at home, and had to now make sure we were around for another date as well.

It's not as if we're busy people, or even people who had plans on said day, but neither of us like the feeling that we're caged in any way.

Last Friday I had an interview, in which the person conducting it told me they'd call me on Monday to tell me whether I got the job. Monday was yesterday, and there was no call. For the last 48 hours I've been glued to my mobile phone, something that I wouldn't normally do. I've been gaming with one ear outside of my headphones so that I don't miss the call.

I was worried about that call yesterday, wondering what the outcome would be, but today I'm just annoyed that the call hasn't happened yet. It's as if the company doesn't care about potential employees. If this was a permanent job I would consider declining if they offer the job. But as it's just a temp position (and, let's face it, I need the money and experience) I will probably take it anyway.

The only thing I can hold them accountable for at the moment is not being organised, though admittedly this does annoy me.

In the meantime, though, I will continue looking for work, maybe do some freelance writing on the side. It's about time this writer showed her colours to potential employers of a different nature.

Just Mindless Rambling

So today I had an interview. It went quite well, I'm actually pretty pleased, whether I get the job or not, it was good practice. I find out on Monday if I'm in.

Recently, I've been ill, my throat has been pretty clogged up with gunk whenever I've woken up, but clears up as the day goes on until I feel achy in the evening. Last night was the worst, every time I coughed or laughed my whole face and neck was racked with pain; annoying, to say the least, when you're on voice chat with a load of people who make you laugh at least twice in a minute.

Meanwhile, this weekend looks to be a pretty normal one. Probably some writing, definitely some gaming, some reading too. And tomorrow the fifth section of Angelfish goes up, but I still have to edit it and proofread. I guess that's happening tonight, hopefully when Austin gets back he can give me some feedback.

Next Friday is also Mark's birthday, he'll be 27 and since his birthday is the 27th it's considered a big one: after all, it only happens once in a lifetime. I have no idea what I'm going to get him, or whether I will be able to get him anything, because if I don't have a job I don't have the money.

Anyway, I guess this is just a ramble about my life at the moment. Pretty boring, I know. So excuse this mindless patter of footsteps on my brain.

See you guys some time next week I guess.

From the Depths of the Past

Have you ever had a friend who moved away when you were young? I have, I was around 13 I guess, when she went away. We were probably best friends at the time, though I didn't realise it until afterwards.

Since then a lot of things have happened. Relationships, friendships, academia, discovery, journeys, travel, love, life. There are ten years in which we didn't even speak once. We didn't write, we didn't email. I didn't even know how to find her. I only thought about her occasionally, check facebook to see if she'd made an account, look for links between us.

It was yesterday that I found something. She was friends with people I've known my whole life on facebook. She's been added by them, trying to reconnect I guess. Half the people both of us know are no longer on my friend list, and the other half I never talk to anymore.

When I found her yesterday all I could do was sit and stare at her picture. Her face has hardly changed. Should I add her? I thought, after all I'd been periodically searching for her out of curiosity for so long. Would me adding her ruin the feeling that I had known her, would it ruin the idea I had of her?

I threw caution to the wind and added her. She was online, something I hadn't anticipated at all. I thought that she wouldn't accept the friend request for at least a day but I was wrong.

For a moment I wondered what to say. And then I typed "hi".

We asked how each other were. Small talked mostly. Got to know about each other's relationship statuses, our families, how we were doing, what we'd done since we last spoke. And then the conversation turned to what we had done when we were little, and I suddenly found the person who I knew and the awkwardness was gone.

Underneath it all, do we ever really change from who we are when we're kids? Maybe we do a little, but I'm still essentially the same, I've just learned to act with social finesse.

Maybe that's all the years do after all.

Excuse Me For Writing.

I wish I'd never opened a conversation with Mark's sister, it's left me feeling like she's passive-agressively telling me to get a job.


It's not like I haven't been looking or anything, but she doesn't really appreciate how many writing jobs there aren't in the UK. Most of them are around London. That's an hour and a half commute, but when they've specifically asked for someone close, well that's not extremely promising, especially when you don't have the money to move anywhere (let alone to London).


I've also been trying retail jobs but most of them are for manager and that's something I don't have experience for. There are also hundreds of applicants for each job. I am trying, but with no experience it's a hard process.


I also feel like she thinks my writing is a waste of time... 


She says that it's what pays that matters, but if that was all that mattered to me I would've married for money and be living life on a yacht in the middle of the Mediterranean, sipping champagne from a glass made of diamond. 


This is the thing though, non-artists don't get that when you're a writer there is no choice but to write. They don't understand that I get an urge that will drive me insane if I suppress it. They aren't aware that it's possible to wake at 3am and need to write for three hours solid before you can even contemplate sleep again. 


Maybe, in my future, writing will pay. But I don't care if it does or doesn't: writing makes me happy and that's what matters to me. It makes me feel like I'm worth something even if I'm not earning at the moment. 
Also, it keeps my optimism at a level that will greatly benefit me in interviews and gives me something to say when they ask me "What have you been doing while you've been looking for a job?" because interviewers these days want to know what drives you.


Writing is an art. It may not pay, but it makes me happy, and that's something you can't buy.


So excuse me for taking a break to do something I love. Excuse me for being born a writer. Excuse me for not being career driven...

A Life Measured In Word Count

Current Word Count for my Novel in Blog Posts.

I feel like my life is suddenly measured in words. I guess it comes from writing so damn much in the last few weeks.

Every morning I wake bursting with inspiration that has to get out. It can be annoying to some I guess, but I personally find it invigorating to be back here after so many years. I had a similar thing happen to me when I was writing in my gap year. I wrote around 50,000 words in about a month. After that ended I didn't think I'd ever be there again, yet here I am.

In other news, finding a job is freaking hard. I've done a tonne of things, looked in all kinds of places, but there just doesn't seem to be anything on offer. Looking makes me depressed too. All I have to do is look for an hour and I'm grouchy the entire day, it sucks. This doesn't mean I'm not looking, I am, but looking and finding are two very different things.

Other than that I'm keeping up with all the blogs in the side bar as well as I can. I keep finding more reasons to make them.

In other news, while we were away in Malta for Christmas and the New Year, somehow our housemate managed to get his shower to overflow. Not only this but, when it got on the carpet he didn't clean it up properly. Now the carpet in his room stinks.

When I say stinks I mean full scale: can't even open the door kind of stinks. I have to wonder how he lives in there, sleeps in there, and even subjects his girlfriend to it. Jeez, does the guy have no self-esteem?

Overall though, life is pretty nice at the moment. I may not be earning, but I am enjoying writing.

10 Things I Have Learned in 2011

Seeing as I did this last year (though in Febuary) I thought I would do it again. Seeing as the new year has only just happened I feel like this is the right time and that last year was a bit late as timing went. Okay, so let's start.

1. I would actually consider living in Malta.
Pretty straight forward really. The lifestyle over there is a bit different of course, and sometimes the country freaks out when it rains (they flood easily so no surprise). And it gets hot in the summer, you really do need the air conditioning. But I like it, and there are perks like lack of counsel tax and lack of tv licensing, and they don't condemn their university students to debt. Their housing isn't too bad either, and their beaches are fabulous.

2. That Tumblr is a lot of Fun!
Again pretty straight forward. I have a fair few blogs on there and am even considering starting a collaborative one but I need a subject first. I've also made a lot of friends and a lot of new guild mates too!

3. I Should've Started a Guild Long Ago.
Seriously, I actually make a really good guild leader and I enjoy it. I've had people tell me they think my guild is the best they've been in. I guess it's the structure but also laid back attitude. I should've started a guild as soon as I had the inkling, although now that I have a certain amount of tumblr followers on my monk blog, I also have people who joined.

4. I Enjoy Baking.
This discovery mainly came from moving out and being the only person in the place with the time and will to bake anything. My best so far has been carrot cake muffins, which I'm told a glorious. It's true of course, they are amazing.

5. I Love Collecting.
For some reason, I always thought collecting wasn't really my thing. I guess I just wasn't collecting the right things. I mean I already had an extensive collection of books, but I didn't really count that, I mean I'm a writer, and that makes reading part of my personality. Now, though, I collect swarovski figurines and elephants and generally anything that I find pretty. All that's left is finding somewhere to display them.

6. I Work Better With Limited Time.
When I finished Uni my want to work died completely. I had no deadlines, no commitments, and suddenly no will to do anything. But going on holiday and having to spend time with people, spend time out, and having to do it when I least wanted to, put my want to write into overdrive. I was thinking about writing when I was out, and when I got home it was exactly what I did, I did actually write. When my time is taken up by other things I work better in the lulls. It's that simple.

7. I'm Looking Forward To Guild Wars 2
It sounds strange to say it, but before I played the demo I wasn't all that enthused about it. With the demolition of the monk came the dislike for me of the idea of playing without one. Now, however, I really want to try being a Charr Guardian. I'm not sure exactly why, but it seems like me.

8. Living With Ash Was Not A Good Idea.
The less said about this the better.

9. Happiness is About How You Look at The World.
Its sounds kind of obvious, but I feel like I learn it anew each year. I look at the world with an optimistic view, and I find that I am happy most of the time and rarely feel down at all.

10. Long Distance Relationships Can Work.
I guess mine and Mark's relationship is living proof of that. We have recently basically moved in together, and we're very happy. I guess being in different countries can't stop love from blossoming.

So that's it for this new year post. Have fun everyone :)

Long Time huh?

So it's been a long time since I posted last. I'm not really sure why either. I guess I could say that Tumblr took over, which would be true: I'm now the owner of four blogs on there. Two about Guild Wars (one is specifically my guild (oh yeah I started a guild weird huh?)), one is personal and one is a sort of writing project...

So yeah, I recently started writing again. It was just before Christmas actually. This year me and Mark were in Malta visiting his family, and he was doing work for his masters a lot so I had more free time than I wanted, and (for once) I didn't feel like Guild Wars. So I started writing. There was a story there, and it had been building for a while, it must've been for the rush the first part came out in. Now I'm playing with the lives of characters again.

I have to say, I am really enjoying it again; probably for the first time since I was at uni really. I don't have any deadlines except those I set myself, and I don't have any specification for where it could go.

Other than that I've generally been taking time out, causally looking for work (probably more casually than I should have been really). Now, though, I plan to step up that effort. I realised over Christmas that I really dislike not earning money and not being able to look at something I want in a shop and think "I could buy that" because I can't.

Last time I blogged was actually in August, and since then I have done almost nothing. In my blog description it says I have a hunger for life. Well now I'm wondering, where did that go? I mean I am happy, it's true, but there's purpose missing too. I need to find that again because at the moment it's not like I'm working towards anything really, and I should be because I feel restless.

So I need a job. No! I want a job. And I want to work and to get up knowing I am needed somewhere, and to be so pushed for time that I long to write so that I do write. I want to be able to afford to live.

This is what I want, and this is what I will get, and nothing will stop me.