No Promise Of Rain

So dear readers, instead of the third and final installment of my desk objects, I've decided to write about something else. The day I had today was pretty crap to be honest; both of my tower computers decided to kill themselves on the same day, the Internet has been playing up again, and Mark's geographical distance is beginning to get to me.

I know it's only really been three days since we were last together, and I know it won't be long until we meet again, but right at this moment I'd give almost anything to be with him. Still, perhaps I'm just feeling like this because it doesn't feel like we spent all that much time together recently, not through any faults of our own, we've just had things that need doing. My mind keeps telling me it'll be better this weekend, but the rest of me is having trouble soaking it in.

On the plus side, the promise of a shopping trip with Hayley before I head over to Malta is relieving some (though admittedly not all) of the troubling thoughts floating about at the moment. I kinda wish Hayley could come with me, but I know she can't this time, perhaps next time though. I can say, without any doubt, that I will miss her while I'm there.

Back in the present it is cloudy outside, with the look of rain, and I'd desperately like it to. The addition of a glass of Asti would be welcome too, and a strong cool breeze. Unfortunately none of these fond wishes seem immediately available, and may not be for some time. Of course, it's not going to rain in Malta.

Getting out of this place will be a refreshing break, and my god, I need it after this summer. Too many sudden realisations have rocked me this summer and, though I often don't show it, my heart could really use the feel of my man again.

Anyway, before I grow too sentimental and write something soppy, I shall say good evening.

Random Items (Installment 2)

Today I thought I'd continue from yesterday's blog post as nothing much has happened to blog about since.

So let us continue, dear readers, to explore the items on my desk and the meanings behind them:

The Drawing Pin Holder:
This object is basically a magnet that holds my drawing pins on it, pretty self-explanatory really. It used to be a magnetic sculpture that was made up of metal moons and stars, but when I redesigned my room I decided I no longer wanted it, so I got rid of the pieces and kept the base. Now it holds all of the pins that I have spare. It serves, not only as a permanent place for them (so that I don't step on them) but also as a means of stopping them escaping.

The Lamp
My desk lamp, though not particularly extraordinary, is quite a special object to me. Of course, it gives me light when it's too dark to see what I'm doing (which was more important when I had my old keyboard instead of my shiny new G11) but it also commemorates my first trip to Ikea in Southampton, and holds several bracelets and chains around the top that have accumulated there (usually through my own laziness) over the few months I've had it. Among these is my small pocket-watch bracelet and a beaded one that i made back when I was into making jewelry. Another item that hangs from it is a bubble depicting a dragon with butterfly wings that I painted. It is not coloured in, just lines, but it is a project unfinished. Originally it was going to be part of a series of three that would have told the story of a dragon that could turn into a butterfly; the middle one, this one, shows the state of metamorphosis. The bubbles also decreased in size (the largest of which was the first item mentioned in the previous post).

The Clay Dish:
This item is one of those clay dishes you put flowerpots on that I have salvaged and painted with acrylic paint. On my desk it nestles in the base of the lamp between the two prongs of the fork that makes up the stand. It holds a load of random objects that I've found over the last year and a half. Some of these tidbits include: sea glass found in the south of France last year, a collection of small change (mainly 20 pence pieces), a bouncy ball, a blue goldstone, the remains of a parrot earring and an old earphone end. I'm not really sure why I keep some of it, but there are some quite interesting items in there and I enjoy fiddling with them from time to time.

Rave Duck:
Rave Duck is a small duck made of stretchy plastic, he has an awesome hairdo and loves to rock to the sound of Guild Wars music. Unfortunately for him, he seems to be going bald, though this may have something to do with my tendency to swing him around by single "hairs" while waiting for groups to form on Guild Wars. If you hit him on the head he also flashes red and blue. That's Rave Duck. Hayley and I both bought one from Hawkins bazaar many months ago, mine was yellow, and hers was blue I think. I remember it was cold that day and waiting at the station afterwards with a woman scowling at us because her small daughter was moaning that she didn't have one.

My Sunball:
The sunball is another one of those plastic bubbles with a small glittery gold pom pom suspended inside it. This item was originally part of a mobile I was making but, as with so many of my projects, it was never finished. Now the bubble hangs just above my light and holds my hair scrunchies so that I know where they are if I get too hot while gaming.

Ivory:
For any of you who are regular visitors to my blog (or close to me in real life), you will know about my love of fighting fish. Ivory, being my favourite of the four, has pride of place on my desk. He's a lovely little thing who will jump for food and follow your finger, and often watches me as I play. I love him to bits and will miss him when he finally ends his short life.

The Hostility Of Incense:
This is a picture that I drew a long time ago in pencil of a scene in my first ever attempt at a novel. The one that I have on my wall is actually just a photocopy and a rather tattered one at that, but it means a lot to me; in some small way it represents the first time I reached for my dream. I started the story when I was around 14 (up until then I'd been only writing short meaningless stories) and only got up to around 36,000 words. However, the first few chapters did get me my first A in my English class in year 11, a feat which I am still proud of.

The Flower Candle-Holder:
This is the last of today's installment (still one more to go after this so stay tuned), and it is pretty self-explanatory. I have a love of pretty things that glow, and the candle holder fits this bill perfectly. It is pink with orange tips to the petals and semi-transparent. It holds a scented cranberry-chutney tea light, one of my favourite scents, and came from the Yankee Candle shop in Southampton, a shop frequently visited by Hayley and me on our trips into the city.

Anyway, that's it for now dear readers, look out for installment 3 soonish.

Random Items (Installment 1)

Today I'm going to talk about my desk and some of the items that sit on (or float around) it and what they mean to me. Of course, as a writer, my argument for having them there is that they inspire me into writing. Although this is not technically true, they do help the ideas to blossom on occasion.

Let's start with the left shall we?

The Dragon Bubble:
This little gem is one of my one design and I suppose could represent my artistic streak. I painted it only about three or four months ago, and added it as a hanging ornament. Painted my favourite colour, the dragon on it is fairly special to me. I have a fondness for dragons anyway; not only am I considered a dragon in the Chinese calender, but I also love reading stories that contain them.

Cedric:
Cedric could be termed my mascot I guess. He's been on my desk for possibly a month and a half. He's a small green dragon toy with red wings and an orange belly. He's named Cedric because he reminds me of the dragon that's the mascot for the charity "National Children's Home" in England. Though he is not the only soft toy on my desk, he is probably the only one I would say lives there.

The Frog Prince:
This is a small plastic frog wearing a crown. I got him in hawkins bazaar and carried him around with me for a while afterwards. He lived in my pocket back then, but now lives on my desk. I've always been fairly fascinated with the fairytale of the frog prince (the recent Disney movie has become one of my favourites). It could stem from my love of frogs in my childhood, or perhaps I've just always been searching for a prince in unlikely places.

The Two Legendary Pokemon (Rayquaza and Moltres):
These of course represent my addiction to Pokemon. Though they are not my favourite Pokemon, they are some of the legendaries I like the most. The fire and dragon types have always had a special place in my heart, though they are, admittedly not my favourite types to battle with.

The Box:
Underneath the frog prince and the Pokemon figures, sits a wooden box. In this box there are several different, small, items that remind me of various times in my life. A bouncy ball, a small plastic lizard, and a button from my leather trench coat are just a few. Each one has its own story, but not to be told now. In short this box is a box of small meaningful things that are dear to me.

The Frog Cube:
The frog cube is essentially a cube made of plastic filled with water and oil with the water dyed green. there are two frogs sat in the middle so that they look like they are floating on the green substance as if on a pond. Both of them and red and sat on lilly-pads. This object is one that was bought for me by Alex on my birthday last year. It reminds me more of the day spent with Ash and Hayley than of him, which is why it has stayed. I remember picking out the perfect one in the gift shop and having a conversation with Ash about the other option which was blue with some fish or other sat on it (perhaps a clown fish?). It holds the memory of my twenty-first birthday in it, in which I didn't get drunk, or have any other kind of overdose.

The Crescent Moon Paperweight:
This was something I found in a shop on the isle of wight last time I visited. It's basically a cube made of glass with the design of a crescent moon lasored into it. Crescent moons have always been my favourite of the moon phases. I'm not really sure why that is. Still, the image has appeared several times in various stories I've written.

Two Gemstone Animals:
On top of the crescent moon paperweight sit two small animals made of gemstone. I can't remember which gems they are, but they depict an elephant and a hippo. Elephants are my favourite animal, but the hippo is simply there to keep the elephant company. The elephant is red and the hippo is blue. These two are a reasonably recent installment on my desk, having only appeared around three months ago, and less than a month for the hippo.

Desk Monster:
Desk monster is made of some kind of artificial stone, probably concrete. He's small and dome-shaped, his face crumbled into the shape of an open mouth... and so I found him. I painted his mouth and eyes with glow-in-the-dark glass paint using acrylic for the details such as the tongue and pupils. He's a cheeky little thing, but I love him because he is the creation of my own imagination playing with an inanimate object driven into reality.

Well, that's enough about my desk for now dear readers. The next installment will come soon I'm sure. :)

Changes

As many of you will notice, I thought it was time for a change. Not only the superficial type either. The layout of this blog is different, as you can see, and but so is the title, colour scheme and url. This is not because of clinging ex-boyfriends, this is because it's time for a change, a major overhaul of not just my room, not just my blog, but a lot of other things besides.

My state of mind at the moment is one of determination and certainty, despite all the current odds, and though I admit I feel nervous, I'm also looking forward to the changes that this will bring. If I were to say I am looking souly to the future I would be lying, my past is one of pain and sorrow and I can't help it that the memories still plague me. However, I no longer feel them as rawly as I did but a couple of weeks ago, and things are looking up.

Though the airport goodbye this morning was a tearful one for both parties, I feel strongly that it will not be for long. Intentions are there and they are strong ones that will be hard to shake off. Everyone who has met Mark on this visit has enjoyed his company, and given their support.

There are, of course, many things to be done before I fly out of the country. I'd like at least one shopping trip with the one and only Hayley before I go so that we can have some sorely missed girl-time. With the amount of work that she needs to do, however, this may not be possible, though I dearly hope it is. A splatter of romantic comedies and long heart-felt chats will be just what I (and I hope, she) will need.

In any case, I shall leave it at that for now.
Oh yes, dear readers: Welcome to Laying In The Rain.

Pictures

Last night, Mark and I were going through all of the pictures he's taken while he's been over here. There are over 300 in all, and some really hilarious ones. In most of the pictures of me I actually look good, which is a feat in itself (at least I think it is). There are more than a few pictures of various people eating, or cooking or preparing to cook.

As we looked at them together, I was reminded of all the fun we've had together in just a few short weeks. It feels like only yesterday that he arrived, yet tomorrow he goes back to Malta. Though I know it's not forever (especially if these plans go ahead), I worry that being away from him will be more painful than I have yet realised. I dread September because of the fact that he is working but I am not back to uni, being lonely has never been my strong point, and I know that then I probably will be.

Despite the implications that there could be stormy seas up ahead, I will try my best, and I will let my determination take over in the strength of this relationship. I hope Mark will do the same because his determination is a match to mine. Hayley said that the trick will be to keep this relationship going, as it is with any new relationship, all we really need to do is remember that the distance between us is crossable at a moment's notice if something dreadful happens.

Reminding myself that the distance is only a temporary state will be key too. With impending plans for Mark to move over here next summer, the idea that we only have to make it a year keeps echoing in my mind. Of course, that's not technically true: every couple faces moments of trouble throughout their relationship.

In the pictures of us together, we are happy. I intend to go into the future ready to forge more of the same happiness.

New Beginnings

As many of you know, I have recently gained a new boyfriend. My dear Hedgehog may only have been in the country for a few weeks, but I can already feel the growth of our connection. His polite manner, when it comes to my family, has benefited this hugely of course, and the ease with which he addresses my friends makes him approachable and welcomed.

Most importantly though, I feel myself falling in love with him all over again. His love for all the things I always dreamed of makes me feel truly valued in a romantic relationship for the first time in years. The way he places my happiness before his own makes me feel safe and secure, and I hope my return in putting his feelings above mine makes him feel the same way. The laughter that he brings makes me smile every time, even when he's being silly and a little childish, I find myself smiling secretly.

Most of all he's opening up to me, letting me know what he thinks, and feels, and is passionate about; and all this on a daily basis. I feel like there isn't a single thing he doesn't tell me, or a single thought or look that goes by without exploration. His way of reading me is incredible too, and most of the time we're so in-tune that I don't even have to ask what he's thinking, and he doesn't either.

Despite the speed of our growth towards each other, I can't help feeling that there is a huge amount of growing still to do. My heart is slightly darkened by the knowledge of him heading back home in a few short days. He feels the same, I know, but as we enter this tunnel there is little to worry about; though it may be dark and dismal we still have so many open communication options, and the strong possibility of another visit just around the corner, this time from me. Braving the heat of Malta will be well worth it... for him.

Though most of my thoughts, and all of my determination go to forging this new relationship, there is also a darker shadow lurking at the back of my mind. Alex is still around, and has been breaking the no-contact thing again, this time via my best friend Hayley. From what she's said it seems he thinks I'll willingly see him in August, which is an utter load of bullshit. Still, he can think what he wants; the fact still remains that I may not even be in the country next month.

To Malta! Indeed, to Malta! Where this relationship will grow evermore fertile in the arms of a man who truly deserves it!

Friends and Chaos

So, dear readers, it's been a couple of days since I posted, longer than I would've liked, but for personal reasons I'm having to censor a lot of my posts at the moment as there is only one thing going through my mind and at the moment it is kind of a secret. No need to worry though, the details of this secret will become apparent in the next few weeks, if not before.

There are only three days left until Mr. Hedgehog flies to the UK and stays for just over two weeks. I'm both nervous and excited, not a good mix for someone trying to clear her body of stress spots. Though the last few days have been relaxing with only minor hiccups. I hope for days of fun and relaxing when he gets here, and for times out with mutual friends and guild members.

I should be due to see the magnificent Hayley tomorrow, at least, I hope it happens. I miss her dreadfully. Her antics are something I don't really get with anyone else, that and the freedom of speech that comes with a best friend (though I do get that in other relationships too (but not many)). Of course there's also the girliness of it all. I miss it. With most of my best friends being men, a time, even a short time, spent with the Hayley is a relief: a small oasis of feminine ideals.

In other news, with the sudden burst of summer comes the disappearance of Alf for a couple of months. I'm not ashamed to admit I will miss him terribly. I would label him as one of my best friends, and not having him about will be hard, and not just on me. I'm hoping, though, that he'll find the time to hop onto face book from time to time and chat a little.

Anyway, that's it for now, I'll keep you posted, though I'm not sure how often in the near future.

Lessons Learned

My determination gets the best of me at times. Looking back over the past few years, I see how stubborn I was with myself, and how much that threw me into denial. I'd been in denial for a long time. Hayley said I had been since before she met me. Her and I approach our second year anniversary of being friends (Yes there totally is such at thing! And we shall celebrate it diligently!), but I was stuck in that same loop for much much longer. Now, of course, I'm out of it (or I think I am at least), and every day I feel the benefits.

Last night our home wireless router imploded, and the wireless on it stopped working. Only one of the computers in the entire house is wired to the Internet, and with three other people relying on the wireless connection to be up, the job of installing a new one came to me, as the most technologically knowledgeable in the house. I was surprised actually, that my dad yielded the responsibility to me, even though I admittedly didn't really know what to do at first.

Lucky for me, relationships with geeks have their uses, and I'd watched Alex set the other router up (and probably took in more than he thought I was capable of). Once I figured out how to get into the router settings it was just a question of copying the basics over. I even set up the WPA2 security. I have to say, I felt great afterwards, a sense of achievement! My determination didn't let me down last night, and I am grateful for that.

It has been a while now since the break up. Surprisingly I think of him less often than I imagined I would, but I guess I have help with new, enticing, distractions of an extremely good kind. I learned a lot of lessons though, from that relationship, and I hope he did too.

As my final word, I shall say this: Eight!