Moving

So, ever since I started my Tumblr account I've actually been using that much more as a daily thing. It's been 15 days since I uploaded a daily photo and I figure it's probably time that I face the truth, I like Tumblr more as a daily thing than my blog. It's easier and doesn't require all that much effort.

Thus, the daily photo and thought will be moving there (kind of because I actually do them there anyway) and the pages will be deleted.

Also on the horizon is the movement of Mark and Ash into their place. It's assumed (and welcomed) by both of them that I'll be kind of Mark's permanently "plus one". This apparently means I'll be sleeping, eating, probably generally wandering around there most of the time (although officially still be at home).

It's a real shame that the landlord said no guinea pigs, but there you have it, that's why I'm not moving in there too.

The fact that Mark moves over here shortly is also a strange one. It will be an interesting change in the dynamic of our relationship, especially as we're essentially swapping roles in what we've been doing for the last year (me, hopefully working, and him studying). The idea of him actually being around for any length of time (in the flesh) hasn't quite dawned on me yet. It will be welcomed with arms wide open, but probably won't sink in until we fly back here and he moves in with Ash.

All in all there is a lot of movement happening in the impending future.
I'm looking forward to all of it.

Keeping My Options Open

Today I'm going to a family thing.


This means a load of people I haven't seen for years (or ever) asking me about my life. This will probably include questions like: "What are you going to do now that you've finished your degree."


The truthful answer to this is actually: "I don't have a clue! :)"


But this answer is always met with looks that blatantly say: omg! She's going to throw her life away!


What is it with this attitude?! 


Seriously, just because I don't know what I'm going to do doesn't mean I have no motivation or aspiration. For instance, I would like to be published in the future, I would like to have a job and own a car and a house and get married and have children. But right now I have no idea what kind of career I want.


In my experience, having a plan is useless anyway. Vague ideas are different, but a plan is stupid. It's only through a mixture of luck, fate and coincidence that we end up anywhere anyway, and when we get there we might not even like it.


People say they want to be a doctor, for instance, probably don't account for the long hours when they say it. They may hate it, they won't know until they try it.


I won't know what kind of career I want until I try a couple of things out. I don't expect to jump head-first into a job I will love. So, no, I don't know what I want to do, but that doesn't mean I won't try things out.


I'm not throwing my life away, it's called keeping my options open.

I have neglected you.

I have neglected you, dear readers, and for that I am sorry.

The last week has been a whirlwind of Guild Wars days. There have been times in Underworld, times with completing titles (I achieved max Survivor and max Sunspear (almost max Lightbringer, not quite there yet)), and times with guildies doing vanqs or dungeons. It's been fun, it has to be said.

This post is not about Guild Wars though.
This post is about you, and how great you are.

I may know you, I may not, but I wanted to let you know how much I appreciate that you keep coming back here to find out what I've been up to. Maybe you watch my daily photo section or my thoughts page (which I have also been neglecting) maybe you come on to look at my writing information, or read about my friends or spend time just generally browsing. Perhaps you even come on because I bug you into doing so, or because you follow me on tumblr or twitter.

But whatever the reason for you being here, I want you to know that you are an amazing person, don't let anyone ever try and convince you otherwise. There are things you can do that most people can't, there are places you see in different ways to others.

Sometimes you feel down, I understand that, but you should know that those times won't be the only times you get, and the good times will roll back around soon enough.

Also, I find it helps to remember that you have the power to change your situation for the better. Just harness that and ride away from the bad. It might require stepping out of your comfort zone, but life is too short for comfort zones.

Be who you really are, and people will love you for it.
If they don't, to hell with them.

Thank you for visiting once again. :)

Objects That Tell Stories (The Desk 1)

Almost a year ago (give or take a month or two) I did a mini series of posts about items around my desk. I said I'd finish it at some point (because it was derailed by a fairly nasty incident), but I didn't find the time or motivation to do so. I guess you could say that this mini series that I'm about to start was the continuation of that. in my opinion, however, my life has changed too much in the last year for that to be a viable conclusion.

Shortly after I left the items instalments hanging, my life became suddenly tidy. Now I'm tidy to an extreme degree, I don't leave stuff on the floor or cluttered on chairs. I don't even have corners full of crap any more. So yeah, things changed.

This mini series will probably not be all together so I will be putting a tag on them. This will mean that, if you want to, you can look at them all on the same page. I am doing this series because these objects mean something to me, and I feel that telling you (as a reader) will give you more incite into who I am and what drives me. You may find this interesting, or you may not. Either way, I'm not really fussed, this is a self exploration thing mainly. 

Let's begin with the desk: My desk, it could be said, is the hub of my room. As Hayley commented the first time she saw me on webcam "you're in your natural habitat!". This is absolutely true, I spend the majority of my day sat before my screen partaking in various activities on my computer.

The Elephant Collection

These are probably my favourite items on my desk. Elephants are my favourite animal without a doubt (thought I have no idea why, they just appeal to me I guess). 

The blue elephant was a present from Mark on my first trip to Malta. I have two more animals in this same colour-scheme, but the elephant is still my favourite.

 The egg-cup elephant is where I keep my nose studs. 

The two small stone elephants are from a gem shop that Hayley and I frequent a fair bit. 

The wooden elephant came from Hawkin's Bazaar and is a mini puzzle. 

The Persian Family

This was also a present from Mark from the first time he visited the UK. We went into Winchester and into a toyshop and I saw them and explained how I had always asked for Sylvanian Families when I was younger and had been very envious of my cousin's collection of them, which included houses, families and all sorts of other stuff. 

The Persian family now sit on my desk. I guess they remind me of that time when I envied my cousin. I wouldn't envy her now, from what I've heard she's turned out a bit spoilt. 

This family have also become a symbol of my ambition to one day build a large, fully furnished, doll's house. 

Buttercup

For any of you who have seen the newest Toy Story movie, you will know exactly who this is. I went to see this movie with Hayley, Mark and Ash. I fell in love with Buttercup as soon as I saw him and kept nudging Hayley and saying, "Omg! It's a UNICORN!" every time he appeared on screen. 

This item was from Hayley for my birthday as a surprise present and I think it might have been one of my favourite presents. 

He sits right in the middle of my desk. I still feel the urge to point and exclaim "Omg! It's Buttercup!" whenever I watch Toy Story 3. 

Toucan and Croc

Toucan and Croc are a pair of glass animals that I brought back from Malta with me. I love glass stuff, and these are the perfect addition to my desk. 

My mind, over this year, has created personalities for them:

Croc is always laughing, with a dark sense of humour and a witty tongue. 

Toucan is more stern and scowls when Croc makes jokes about eating him. 

The Cut Crystal Dish

This was (yet another) present from Mark, this time for Christmas. Initially I had no idea what to do with it. Since being put on my desk it has become a small bits and bobs dish. 

I love the way it casts colours onto the surface of my desk. 

Well, that's it for now. The Desk 2 coming soon.

Buckets of Crazy

This is a phrase that me and Hayley have been batting around for a couple of months now. It's used to describe people who make a giant deal out of anything small that might not be as satisfactory as the person in question wants. I've seen several examples of this in the past month or two (hence the appearance of the phrase), and I have to say, behind all of that crazy there is nothing but low self-esteem hidden behind arrogance.

I wonder how insecurity can drive these people to do what they do, or say what they say. Surely they don't really believe that the world should revolve around them and everything that is disproving that must be doing it to spite them do they?

When I talk about buckets of crazy lots of people from my past come to mind, two particular ex-boyfriends especially. Their crazy was bad, and what was worse was that I succumbed to it. It's not difficult to sit and put up with the crazy, especially when you're in denial yourself.

Unfortunately, crazy also has a tendency to be passed on. It's an obvious truth that we mimic those around us to a certain extent, so this is, perhaps, no surprise.

What I want to ask, however, is why is the universal want to be liked by people, so prominent in those buckets-of-crazy few? Did something happen to them? Was it (excuse the Freud) their parents doing? A traumatised childhood?

I'm sure something must've happened at some point.

From a young age, I was without friends. I still have problems forming meaningful relationships. I know Hayley was like this too. We turned out (relatively) fine. So why these crazy people? Perhaps it's the exact opposite that causes this: by this I mean maybe they were liked, a lot. Maybe they got used to being liked, and fear that this would not be the case in new places makes them act out and behave in a disgusting and erratic manner.

I have news for those people: that crazy that you throw around, it's not attractive.

Foxgloves

Even though it was only 10am when I went to feed the birds this morning, the garden was already abuzz with insects. This year seems particularly good for them and, for a person who enjoys a breeze in her room, this isn't good news. I live my life with my window open, it's very rare that it's shut. Especially while Lizzie is at Uni, both of the top floors windows stay open most of the day, and the doors between our rooms also remain so. The added bonus of my parents being away this week (returning tomorrow), also means that I have no disturbance from my little brother just down the stairs.

The bugs, however, seem attracted to my room. I have no idea why; Thor is cleaned out every few days, and the room doesn't have anything particularly pungent in a good sense either. Yet, for the past few days there seem to be a couple of flies wandering aimlessly in squares around my room. They're right at head height when I stand up too.

Some part of me is glad that they're about though (not in my room, outside). I mean, without them I wouldn't see my favourite flowers beginning to bloom; that foxglove, this row of tulips. I adore foxgloves. This probably stems from my favourite Beatrix Potter story: Jemima Puddle-Duck. Mr Tod or "The Foxy Gentleman" as Jemima calls him, was always my favourite character, and the clearing in which he lived was absolutely beautiful. I just loved the foxgloves and windflowers in general. In gardens in general, I have a love of the uncultivated natural beauty of which the epitome is (I believe) the foxglove (though closely followed by giant thistles (I really hate the small ones because they're a nightmare for bare-feet, one of the only things I still dislike with a vengeance)).

Though I enjoy a breeze, I have to admit that the one blowing through the top floor this week has been a bit harsh. My display of origami dragons keeps getting tangled up, which is not fun. I'm a perfectionist, and seeing them like that makes me feel annoyed to a small degree.

Still, today has been a good day in general, and a last day of solitude before the rabble return. Tomorrow should be a lot of fun too, Chinese with friends, always good. Noodles here I come :)