When I started writing the first time, I was in the process of getting over my first big relationship, and the break-up that Erin was taking part in was essentially that one. Now, though the situation is still almost the same for her, I look on it with new eyes. Time has given me, the author, more rose-tinted glasses than I can count, but also thrust me head-first into reality at times. I look at myself, and I look at Erin, and though I see two very different entities, our stubbornness and determination are one in the same.
I suppose you think it weird that I am talking about a character, but she's more than that to me. She carries the weight of my entire novel on her over-aggressive, control-freak's shoulders. Her drives are those to quench her curiosity and hurt the people who are involved in making her worlds fall apart. Anger management is something she was never very good at, something that her daughter also struggles with in the second book. Perhaps it runs with the telekinesis.
Sometimes, I wonder whether the friendships I have made these past few years will last. There was a time, after all, when I was tightly attached to each one of my friends, and I wonder if that will last. I want it to with Hayley, and I want it to with Ash, and definitely with Mark...
With recent developments being what they have been, I am sat thinking that maybe friendships thrive on a mixture of differences and similarities, of course, that's not news, but I'm thinking more that people need an exact balance, a balance that is difficult to find, and when found is difficult not to tip. For someone like me, addicted to love, romance, mystery, and making friends, perhaps the balance is easier to find simply because I put myself out there. I will randomly strike up conversation with a stranger, sometimes they result in friendships, sometimes not, but ultimately I always learn something. Take this summer for instance: sat next to a woman on the plane, we talked for two of the three hours, made jokes like we'd known each other for years, I don't know her, I only ever learnt her first name.
Today, Mark is doing something that I have been secretly longing for him to do for ages. He's letting the majority of his extended family in on my presence (not that most of them don't already know). I've been waiting for this moment for a long time, almost since we started being official. To be honest I'm not sure why he was so hesitant, I love him, he loves me, what does it matter if they are scathing? The conclusion he came to this afternoon: it doesn't. I love him all the more for that realisation, because with the shit I've been through in recent years I doubt his family could do anything to dampen my resolve, if anything they'll make it burn brighter. There are two members of his family who do matter, both of them have met me and seem to like me.
I read an article once that told me the secret to a successful marriage is to think in terms of forever. If you think that at any time you could leave them, you'll be more likely to take that route if something happens that you don't like, simple. Of course, for that to work the relationship has to be a good one to begin with, compatibility and communication with each other are the key. The other side is, of course, your needs being met. I've met my share of false men; that charming and loving persona? Some of them think it's the only way you'll love them. A man doesn't need another him to speak to you, or take you in his arms to secure you just to get comfy in the next year and lose you again. Stimulation of whatever kind engages your mind, body and soul is the thing that matters too. That man you met a year ago, that talked to you about all those things you love, all those things that interest you? Well if he loses that spark he loses you, but few men understand that.
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