Dead Romance

Sometimes I think romance is dead, so many of the couples that I observe fade, with time, into the monotony of everyday life. To keep hold of someone you need to be extra-ordinary, at least to that special person. It's not enough to sit and play computer games together when you only see each other occasionally, and it's not enough to expect sex.

When I say sex I mean sex, I don't mean making love, I mean sex, without the foreplay. It may have been enough when you first started, but back then you were doing all the foreplay automatically. Now the sense of discovery is gone, and you're perhaps not interested anymore? I don't know. But how can you claim that she's not interested when you don't try to make her interested.

Of course, as with everything there are two sides. She may think all you want is sex, but she can't know that. Perhaps if she tried to take the lead, show you how amazing the love could be. But it can't always be her. Why not embrace the lion within you? Take control, she wants you to want her, she wants you to want to be with her as a man, not as a boy. She doesn't need you to drive her wild with pleasure, or anything, all you need to do is make her feel loved. "where have the make out sessions gone? Where is the man I fell in love with?"

Not that I'm alluding to anyone in particular; I remember thinking the last quotation myself with Alex. Though the sex was always great, right up until the last (apart from his need to control), but the love, there wasn't any past the first year. Mostly I think I put up with him for the technological fulfilment, but I did try to tell him. If you want more info about that though, see my post on communication. This one's about love.

On the outside she needs to be strong, but inside she's like every other woman, she needs you to need her, and not in the wallpapering the living room way, in the needing her as a lover way. Lovers love, they don't just have sex. You remember all those things she told you she likes at the beginning? all those things you did once, and she liked? Yes, well she still wants you to do them, time doesn't change that. As Mark reminds me frequently, love needs to be earned anew each day. It's something we live by, and I hope will continue to be our philosophy after all the newness has worn off. If one of us is horny we say so, we make out when we're together, we kiss and touch for hours. It's about loving the other, not getting to sex as fast as possible.

I even see dead romance in my parents. My sister is funding a meal for them as a gift. I'm talking a meal in an up-scale restaurant, a good time out, nice food, nice ambiance. But my dad doesn't want to go. It's not his thing apparently, it's a waste of money... so what he's not paying! Go enjoy it! As Mark said, you only live once!

Life is far too short to be quiet about what you need, what you want, and all those issues you're sure are too awkward to discuss. And if they won't listen? If they push you away (like Alex did)? Get rid.