Just Pretending?

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just pretending. I've been set straight a few times this week, the evidence has been handed to me, but I still feel like I might be pretending. Yet you seem so sure... 

Hayley's Alex pretends all the time, with every girl, it seems, perhaps even with her. Think about it, he said he loved each one of them, did he say he loved you Hayley? Did he say he wanted you? Did he break your heart, we both know the answer to that one. 

I was pretending for the majority of my last relationship; pretending it didn't hurt because he wouldn't listen, pretending that everything was alright, that it would be ok if I ended up married to him, two children down the line, perhaps I would've woken up? Then it would've been too late. He would've been no kind of father. 

That girl, the one you've been stalking, she's too emo to matter. Her boyfriend should be gone now, your stalking him isn't healthy, perhaps it even has the reason to your unhappiness attached to it. 

(wow this is an emo post)

I've been drinking lots of water recently, it's like I'll dry up or something. The thirst for tea is gone, water is fine, coffee is ok, but wine would be appreciated more than any or all combined. Not masses of wine, and only one particular bottle, the one we discovered in Malta. The bringer is the wine I really need though, to show me, yet again, that you are not a ghost. Yesterday you said it was hard being without me? Well, shit, it's hard for me too. But the year is needed, and both of us know it. Solitude is what we wanted. Once a month? Once every two months? Whenever. 

Oh! Why do I moan? You are here next week. Barely four days, and I'm moaning to my own blog. I've moaned to you, to Hayley. It's hard without touching you. But again, next week I'll get to. 

Trust me, next weekend I won't let go.