Growth

People change: that's one thing I've learnt in my few years alive. People are always changing. Here, now I must define "change" because the fundamental personality doesn't change, but the things that we want, our priorities, do change. As we grow we begin to expand our horizons; we reach a certain age and we begin to want things that we never wanted as children. Sometimes they're things we never even thought about: a career, a house, a car. And sometimes they're things that we've wanted our entire lives: marriage, children, pets. Relationships are just the same, the priorities of the people in them change as they grow and develop.

There seem to me to be several stages where we undergo growth spurts in the priority department. The first is when we come out of education -  be it at the age of sixteen or twenty-two - somehow we gain perspective, we need to have a job to gain money, and a place to call our own. I know people who've moved out at the age of sixteen and been working since then. The second seems to be when the first life-shattering circumstance happens - be it a destructive break-up, a death of someone close, or just a massive realisation - these are the points in life where we are suddenly thrown into light and see exactly who we are and what we are made of. Those moments seem to be the catalyst for change.

Last summer I went through something similar myself. The catalyst for this was an eye opening occurrence brought on by a string of events starting at least a year before. Change can take time. I've learnt a lot since the moment that the biggest change happened and expect to learn even more as I leave Uni, not only about myself, but also about the way I live and look at life.

By no means am I suggesting that a change in ideas and priorities is limited to the individual. Relationships go through this very same thing. In a good relationship the changes of the individual get discussed and sorted out. New visions for the couple's future are brought into play, and the couple grows into them together backing each other. However, to a less successful relationship, changes in one party can be fatal. Think of it this way: a garden has two trees of the same breed, as they grow their root structures move into each other. A good relationship will cause the trees to fuse together (a process called inosculation), whereas a troubled relationship will limit the growth of one of the trees. In a way the growth spurts I was talking about earlier are often the reason that the relationship may not last; if one of the parties has a sudden change of priority and the other can't understand it or do something about it fast enough the priorities will no longer match. Without common priorities a relationship is hard to maintain.

At this very moment I can feel the air becoming more springlike and in a few weeks the trees will start to bud and burst forth into new life. I have to admit, I'm seriously sick of winter now and feel like spring is long overdue (even through it's still only February). I look forward to the visions of blossom on the trees and bluebells scattering the grass.