Subconscious Indecision

For a couple of nights now I've been experiencing nightmares. In Freud's theories on dreams he describes all dreams as "wish fulfilment"  perhaps the sorting out of undetermined or unresolved issues. I've had this type of dream many times before, usually when I was struggling with misplaced feelings, and they all told me what I needed to know. But the last few nights have told me nothing. I could go either way, but one path means delving into something I thought I wanted to stay buried and, if acted upon, it could easily become detrimental to the healthy place I'm in now.

Last time I needed one of these dreams it didn't come and I became sure of what I needed to do by the absence of it. I trust my subconscious most of the time (as you can see), and acting upon the lack of a decision-making dream may seem like a strange concept, but I've always believed that I know what I want though sometimes only deep down.

Perhaps, last time, it was my heart that believed. The times before I could have been shown what it wanted, though I know from the experience that following my head would have been smarter than my heart, how ever much it would have hurt. I'm a firm believer in that too, following your heart. Something I've learned though is that your heart can lead you astray just as much as your head.

To say the least I'm a little confused with what my subconscious is after right now. I know what I would like, I know where I want to be, though not yet how to get there. All I'm hoping for at the moment is that a release from the country and cares will bring me new inspiration and a healthier outlook.

For now, though, I wish my mind would make up its... well... mind. At the moment all it's doing is leaving me feeling restless when I really do need the sleep.

My experiences tell me that the nightmares are a build up of the bad and unsettling in my life. I would love to attribute this to University work, but I know that can't be all that is plaguing me and has been for the last week or so.

The worst part is that I haven't told anyone. I know those people who I would love to tell will read this, and I know at least one will ask, but I'm not sure what to say. I don't remember much of the dreams, just the overall feeling of not knowing and wondering where to go, what to do. The real turning point is the revelation of who the main cause of these problems is, and I no more want to admit that than admit that I'm wondering what I should do, if anything.