Apart from the restlessness, the thought of slowly creeping up deadlines is making me more and more anxious and the fact that I have only just started on the most looming piece of work makes me nervous to the point of procrastination.
The mix of bad dreams and work deadlines is also making me feel fairly ill, most days I wake with a headache (though not a crippling one) and suffer with it for most of the day. No amount of fluid, sugar or medication seems to help, though they do vanish usually by four pm, that's not my optimum time to attempt work (that moment falling between eight am and around three pm).
In other news, the transference onto my brand new terabyte hard drive went smoothly yesterday. It took barely an hour to get it up and running with the rest of the time spent installing the small bits of software that make it feel more like home. It's lovely to have backgrounds again after so long of being inundated by the annoying "this version of windows may not be legal" pop-up message every ten or so minutes.
For the first time in a long time I feel like I have my own computer; not one that someone else has installed, not one that someone else set the admin password for, and not one with bits belonging to another person. This is my own.
I'm beginning to realise just how important this year is to me. The cleanliness, the maintenance, the growing up, and taking care of things myself, my own way, playing around with my life, and freely changing the things I can see are wrong. Without this year, and these changes, I would've been a far less likeable, far less able person. I've made my own decisions, grown on my own, without a second pair of hands nearby...
In short, I've learned to help myself, and not gone running to others for support every time. I've also discovered what I know, and expanded it.
The only thing I'm left wondering now is: what's next on this road of discovery?
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