Would You Deny Me?

It's amazing what denial of an object or dream will do to me. By this statement I mean when I express an interest in something and people tell me I can't do it or similar.

I remember when I was sixteen I told my Father that I wanted to write a novel, that I would write one, I would get the word count. His reaction? He told me he thought I lacked the willpower to succeed in that feat. It had been my dream since I was around thirteen to write, and he told me that he didn't believe in me.

I wonder what he thought would happen when I look back at that day. I remember we were in the kitchen and it must've been a Sunday, for the traditional roast was cooking. I don't know what he thought he'd gain by telling me I lacked willpower, and letting me know that he also lacked faith in me. All I do know is that as soon as he claimed I couldn't do it, my dream became solid and I strove, over the next year, to write that novel.

And I did, when I was seventeen I already had a first draft laid out, like a carpet of words. I remember the look on my dad's face when he heard that I had written a novel; and not just any novel, a novel with almost double the qualifying word count.

Looking back, my reaction to being told "you can't" has always been one of defiance, and I love that about myself. If you tell me I can, it doesn't have the opposite effect either, which only adds to it. Once I set my mind to something, I'm stubborn as a mule, with a competitive streak to boot. But if you have your own dreams for me, and I don't agree then you can kiss them goodbye.

I guess what I'm saying is that the best way to get me to do what you want is to tell me I can't, because it puts me in overdrive to show you just how much I can do it.