Old Friends

Sometimes I wonder what drives the need for us to make friends and connect with people. Is it peer pressure? I mean we're pushed from a young age to make and keep friends, to play together nicely, and to learn to share with them. Or is it a deep-seated need, a need to be understood and feel we're worth the time?

I don't have many friends, I've never been very good at keeping them, though I'm told I make them easily. I tend to treat most people I meet as friends, it's true, but the majority of them only ever get labelled as acquaintances. If I were to put a number on how many good friends I have I would say three (four if you count my sister Lizzie). I guess when I open up to people I do it slowly, though I'll give insight to everyone, I won't give just anyone the pieces of me though.

After Hayley and Ash broke up, I was unsure about whether we could all still be friends. I listened to Hayley talking about things a lot in the month after and me and Ash didn't talk all that much. Recently, though (actually since my computer broke), me and Ash have been talking a lot more. I enjoy playing guild wars with him, probably for the first time ever, and all in all it feels like I'm reconnecting with an old friend.

In college, me and Ash were very good friends. We talked every day, saw each other every day, and we had a genuine friendship. We talked a lot from random stuff to relationship stuff, even in the year that we hardly saw each other we remained friends.

I think, though, that when he and Hayley got together I moved away a bit, emotionally and mentally. I didn't want to get in the way, and I am very aware that I flirt... a lot. When I say this I don't mean that I lead men on or anything, I am always clear about my intentions. The reason I withdraw is because I don't want to be "that girl who flirts with you" as labelled by the girlfriend, because girls never trust the intentions of other girls, even if they're best friends. I don't want to be the one who she brings up every time you fight, or whatever. So I withdraw.

Now that me and Ash have reconnected though, I feel as if our friendship has more staying power. We've fallen straight back into the way we used to be. We have strange conversations involving the world domination of hamsters and how Thor (my guinea pig - see a few photos page) is the chosen one who will lead the guinea pigs to victory.

I'm looking forward to spending much time with Mark and Ash while Mark is over (and Hayley if she doesn't need to spend the time on her FYP).

I hope we will do many awesome things this Easter.