Dreaming

I feel like I'm living in a dream, one of those weird dreams that you're not sure you want to wake from. Major things are going right, but other things keep going wrong too. I guess where life is concerned, they can't all be happy endings.

One dream that I'm chasing at the moment is particularly dear to me; though, in order to achieve it I have to fully heal. It's hard to do that at the moment, I'm dreading what will happen next to shatter that which I have only just started to mend.

I feel like I slept alright last night, yet I woke with a headache. This could be partially due to dehydration as I didn't have anything to drink after five yesterday, and considering some of the events, I probably should've. I did have another strange dream last night involving myself giving birth to twin girls and then neither of them being willing to drink the milk I had to offer and both of them eventually dying because of it. Apparently to dream of giving birth indicates a new side of yourself that's about to be born; to dream of twins indicates a split somewhere in your heart or mind, perhaps a decision, or the people you care about being divided; and dreaming of deaths is supposed to indicate imminent closure to situations.

Of course, I'm not particularly superstitious, but I do believe that dreams are messages from the mind to the body. The dream could mean everything I've just said, there could be splits in my life that I'm not telling you about, factions. Or there could not, and the dream could just be a weird muddle of emotions falling to bits, or stray thoughts that I once had resurfacing with new glory only to be squashed.

There are some things in my life at the moment that I desperately want to harness properly, and some that I feel are being taken and don't want to go. I see myself doing selfish things, but seem unwilling to stop myself. It's as if I'm enjoying it, and it disgusts me.

I'm supposed to be tidying my room today, but most of me wants to put it off another day and spend the time playing Guild Wars with Ben instead. I'll probably end up doing just that.