Communication Issues?

Over the last few years I've played agony aunt to quite a few people, listening to everything from home, relationship, and work related disasters to technological and writing crises; but one thing that always jumps out at me, especially with relationship issues, is the lack of communication that some people have in their relationships. Over time it just seems to deteriorate. It leads me to praying that Mark and I can always communicate as we should as a couple. But it's more than that really: communication summons images of telling the other person your innermost feelings. What most people in these relationships forget however is that not only do the concerns need to be told, they also need to be heard.

Without delving too deeply into the past, one of the major reasons that Alex and I broke up was because he refused to hear me when I told him how I felt. And time and again I have seen this happen.

Think about this: you, as an individual, demand that your needs be met, your partner listens and hears what you say, but then refuses to meet your demands. Well why? I mean they're your partner right? They should try their best to fulfil what you need right? Well, ask yourself this, are you listening to them? How long has it been since you asked them what they need in the relationship? Because if they're not giving you what you need, perhaps you're also lacking in that department. Not to say you're doing so on purpose, perhaps you're distracted by work, or maybe it's the kids, or your gaming thoughts. But still, if you're not meeting their needs, how can you expect them to meet yours?

I don't pretend to be an expert, but in my years in relationships I have learnt many things, and one of them is that they should be fair, and if they're not then there's something wrong. People's needs are ever-changing. In ten years this person you fell in love with may want kids, they may want a different job, whatever, and the question you need to ask yourself is: what I can to help provide them with something that can push them into where they want to be? Can I help them fulfil their passion? If so how? And am I willing?

The reverse must also be asked of course. Especially when placing value on a relationship: Are they willing to help me if I need them to? Because if they're not listening to your needs you can try and tell them as much as you like, but they may ignore you forever. And believe me, if they have the capacity to ignore you now, they can and will (happily) do it forever. If you can make them listen, so much the better, but if not, perhaps it's time to re-evaluate where you are with where you want to be.

Just a thought.